When I was a kid, my dad used to tell me more times than I can even count, “Don’t be an obsequious girl.” He thought I was quiet, a lemming following the others off the cliff, when really I just went with the flow in school because I knew filling in the right bubbles on a test wasn’t the be-all end-all. That being said, I was and still am a people pleaser, so I tried to do that really well. Life is not a test that has answers A-D, it isn’t raising your hand and politely waiting your turn
I don’t want to die and have my tombstone say, “She sat behind a desk for 40 years and never made a mistake.” Or, “She was well liked by everyone,” or anything like that. I want to impact people on an emotional, visceral level. I want to tell stories. I not only want, but I need to be remembered. I can never be obsequious. Why? I’m terrified.
I’m terrified that I’m going to wake up and be 60 or 70 or even 80 and have nothing to show for it with no work of art I’m proud of that has touched many people’s lives. As Woody Allen said, “I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” I feel as though artists are immortal. A great work will live on. It’s impossible to kill art and the voice of an artist. The ones that are different, take risks and don’t take no for an answer (this includes saying no, as well, when appropriate) are the ones that last.
I think as artists, we should never have to apologize for something we want to do or have already done.
The past few years, I’ve met with countless agents and managers who look at my resume and say, “Wow, lots of film. Where’s the theater?” to which I normally replied, “Well, I’ve just been busy with film recently.” Time for a change. Time for me to stick to my guns and say, “You know what? Film is my passion. Film is what I really want to do.”
People will always try to fit you into a box. In a meeting for an acting talent agent in
some are presumptuous in assuming an actor’s resume will be filled with
theater. When meeting in LA, they will be disappointed if they don’t see film.
Don’t let people tell you who you should be. Don’t apologize for your
uniqueness or vision. Stop pussyfooting around where you see yourself going. If
there’s any resolution for me this year it’s to finally listen to my dad and
stop being obsequious.